Why Is It So Damn Hard to Make Friends as an Adult?

Sometimes we just need to go back to the tried and true way for adults; just step outside your comfort zone. Why not??

When we're kids, making friends seems pretty easy. You sit next to someone in class. You play on the same playground. You join the same sports team. Maybe you discover that you both like the same band, the same team, or the same video game.

Before you know it, you've got a friend.

Then we grow up. Suddenly, making new friends isn't quite as simple.

So what changed?

I don't think adults stopped wanting friends. In fact, I think most people would enjoy having more people in their lives. They just may not realize how much they're missing it.

We've become incredibly good at staying connected without actually being together. We can see what our friends are doing. We can comment on their pictures. We can send a text. We can watch what complete strangers are doing halfway around the world.

But none of that is quite the same as sitting across from somebody, laughing about something ridiculous and getting to know them.

And we have more distractions than ever competing for our attention. It's pretty easy to stay home. Sometimes it's easier to scroll. Sometimes it's easier to watch another episode. Sometimes it's easier to say, “Maybe next time.”

And eventually, we can get out of the habit of meeting new people.

We don't take as many chances

When was the last time you went somewhere where you didn't know anyone?

Not somewhere you were obligated to be. Not an event where you went with the same group of friends you've had for years. I'm talking about walking into a place and thinking:

“I don't know anybody here. Let's see what happens.”

That's a little harder to do as an adult. Maybe we're worried about how we'll be perceived. Maybe we're afraid we'll feel out of place. Maybe we're afraid we'll walk into a room full of people who already know each other and wonder what we're doing there.

I get it. I've felt it too.

But I've also learned that sometimes the best things happen when you take that chance.

I learned this on a kayak

A few years ago, I took a chance and joined a kayaking paddle with a group I found on Facebook. I didn't know any of these people. I could have easily thought, “I'll pass this time.” But honestly, there was a paddle I saw on social media through a mine tunnel that piqued my interest. So, I showed up.

I talked to people. I laughed. I paddled. I found common ground with everyone. Of course, our love of kayaking is what brought us all together.

And I went back. Weekend after weekend. 2.5–3.5 hours one way.

It didn't matter. It was worth the drive.

Every. Single. Time.

That one decision eventually led to friendships with more than 150 people in a relatively short amount of time. Now the group itself has grown from a few people to more than 45,000 members since 2021.

We've had Friendsgivings at people's homes, celebrated the group's fifth birthday, and even held fundraisers for friends who found themselves in difficult situations.

We became more than paddling buddies. We became close friends whom we all refer to as our River Family.

Obviously, kayaking isn't for everyone. But that's not really the point.

The point is that I put myself in a situation where I could meet people.

And I discovered something pretty simple:

Friendships have a much better chance of happening when you're actually around people.

Your life can get a little more predictable

I think something else happens when we stop meeting new people. Our lives can become a little more mundane. We see the same people. Go to the same places. Have the same conversations. Do the same things.

And there's nothing wrong with having routines or longtime friends. Those relationships are important. But if we stop putting ourselves in situations where we can meet anyone new, our social circle can slowly get smaller.

And before you know it, the group you used to see all the time isn't getting together as often.

Sometimes the invitations even start to disappear—not because people don't like you, but because they've gotten into their own routines too.

That's when meeting someone new can become even more important.

Friendship doesn't require you to be the same

One of the things I've learned from being around people for a long time is that true friendships don't require two people to agree on everything. Actually, I think individuality is one of the things that makes friendships interesting. You can have a different perspective. You can voice it. And you can still be friends.

The trick is being willing to listen to understand—not just listen so you can respond.

Sometimes you have to agree to disagree. That's okay. Instead of concentrating on everything you don't have in common, look for what you do. Maybe it's music. Maybe it's sports. Maybe it's kayaking. Maybe it's books. Maybe it's food (or craft beer in my case). Maybe it's games. Heck, maybe you share the same warped sense of humor.

Finding common ground is key. That's where conversations start.

And if you can find a reason to laugh together?

Even better.

I've always believed that laughing is one of the easiest ways to bring people together.

Maybe making friends isn't the hard part

Making friends isn't necessarily harder when you're an adult. Finding situations where friendship can happen naturally is harder.

That's a big part of the reason I created Local Social Club. The games aren't really the destination. They're the excuse. They give people something to do together. You don't have to walk into a room and figure out how to introduce yourself to ten strangers. You don't have to come up with an interesting conversation starter. You don't have to impress anybody. You just play. And while you're playing, something happens.

People start talking. They laugh. They help each other. They discover things they have in common.

And sometimes, they make plans to see each other again.

That's the part I love.

We may just need to say “yes” a little more often

Maybe the next friendship in your life isn't waiting for you on social media. Maybe it's sitting at the table next to you. Maybe it's someone you've never met. Maybe they have completely different interests than you. Maybe you won't agree on everything.

That's okay. You don't have to.

You just have to give the relationship a chance to start.

So the next time someone invites you somewhere you've never been, or you see an event that sounds interesting, or you notice a group of people doing something you've always wanted to try…

As our Kayak Georgia slogan goes “You won’t know ‘til you go!”

That’s what the Local Social Club is all about.

info@localsocialclub.com

Local Social Club, LLC.

(256) 469 - 0535